I know the blog is suppose to focus on divorced dads but I think there is one central theme that continues to pop up and that is the evolution of the "involved" father. We men want to be involved with our children and share their lives regardless of whether we are divorced from their mother's or not.
I read a wonderful article about an organization of men who volunteer their time to their children's school. The name of the organization is WatchDOGS. The article discusses the impact of the fathers presence on the children as well as the father. It sounds like a mutually satisfying arrangement.
If you would like to see the article, the url is: http://www.abcnews.go.com/WN/story?id=6271282&page=1. I hope you enjoy the information because with all the stories of fathers that are less that interested this story shows that those types of men are in the minority.
Be well and happy reading.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Divorced Dad Dating
First I would like to apologize for not posting in a while but I have been ill and could not.
It has been quite some time since I have been on the dating scene but I can't imagine that the basics have changed dramatically. The goal is to find someone fun and exciting that you can share some time and interests with and the hope is that you will each grow to love one another and decide to build a life together. Sounds pretty basic.
I remember how daunting a task that seemed after my divorce because I had a child that was under the age of one and I spent my weekends taking care of him. While my friends and ex-wife were out partying, I was home changing diapers and preparing bottles. It was not a lifestyle conducive to achieving the goal stated in the previous paragraph but you learn to work around it. And I enjoyed every minute I spent with him. Partying just didn't seem that important to me.
I was fortunate to have met a number of women who thought what I was doing was noble and who were willing to work around this situation. One woman in particular who was named Trish was especially accommodating. She worked as a teacher in a pre-school and she loved my son understood small children very well. I had the best of all worlds. The one caveat was that she did not want to tell her parents. They had traditional values and at the time even though I was separated with no chance of reconciliation I was still married and even worse I had a child. After several months of carrying on this charade Trish decided to tell her mother. Needless to say it did not go over well. Here parents were concerned for their daughter and the had valid issues that concerned them. Eventually I became real uncomfortable with the situation and even though Trish never complained I felt that she was making sacrifices that were not her responsibility. I had created my situation but I felt guilty that Trish was forced to accommodate my schedule. I broke up with Trish but it pained me greatly because she was such a good, caring and warm hearted woman.
I tell this story to illustrate the difficult circumstances and considerations that divorced dads face. Having a child adds a dimension to the search for companionship that results in not only finding someone that you care to spend time with but that your child also enjoys spending time with. You have to be extra careful and the woman you choose has to accept the additional scrutiny from you as well as your child. If she is understanding then this is not an issue but if she is selfish then she will never be able to understand her place in the relationship anyway.
I was fortunate to find a woman who was beyond my expectations and we have spent the last 20 years together. Gina has experienced the ups and downs of parenthood with respect to my first child and has been supportive and loving. I could never express my gratitude to her. The search for your next companion is tough but in the end it can be so fulfilling. Keep looking and be thankful when your search is completed.
Talk to you soon!
It has been quite some time since I have been on the dating scene but I can't imagine that the basics have changed dramatically. The goal is to find someone fun and exciting that you can share some time and interests with and the hope is that you will each grow to love one another and decide to build a life together. Sounds pretty basic.
I remember how daunting a task that seemed after my divorce because I had a child that was under the age of one and I spent my weekends taking care of him. While my friends and ex-wife were out partying, I was home changing diapers and preparing bottles. It was not a lifestyle conducive to achieving the goal stated in the previous paragraph but you learn to work around it. And I enjoyed every minute I spent with him. Partying just didn't seem that important to me.
I was fortunate to have met a number of women who thought what I was doing was noble and who were willing to work around this situation. One woman in particular who was named Trish was especially accommodating. She worked as a teacher in a pre-school and she loved my son understood small children very well. I had the best of all worlds. The one caveat was that she did not want to tell her parents. They had traditional values and at the time even though I was separated with no chance of reconciliation I was still married and even worse I had a child. After several months of carrying on this charade Trish decided to tell her mother. Needless to say it did not go over well. Here parents were concerned for their daughter and the had valid issues that concerned them. Eventually I became real uncomfortable with the situation and even though Trish never complained I felt that she was making sacrifices that were not her responsibility. I had created my situation but I felt guilty that Trish was forced to accommodate my schedule. I broke up with Trish but it pained me greatly because she was such a good, caring and warm hearted woman.
I tell this story to illustrate the difficult circumstances and considerations that divorced dads face. Having a child adds a dimension to the search for companionship that results in not only finding someone that you care to spend time with but that your child also enjoys spending time with. You have to be extra careful and the woman you choose has to accept the additional scrutiny from you as well as your child. If she is understanding then this is not an issue but if she is selfish then she will never be able to understand her place in the relationship anyway.
I was fortunate to find a woman who was beyond my expectations and we have spent the last 20 years together. Gina has experienced the ups and downs of parenthood with respect to my first child and has been supportive and loving. I could never express my gratitude to her. The search for your next companion is tough but in the end it can be so fulfilling. Keep looking and be thankful when your search is completed.
Talk to you soon!
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